{"id":1762,"date":"2025-11-19T01:54:01","date_gmt":"2025-11-18T17:54:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/?p=1762"},"modified":"2026-01-18T02:19:36","modified_gmt":"2026-01-17T18:19:36","slug":"%e2%9c%a6-reflections-on-building-healthy-relationships-starting-with-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/?p=1762","title":{"rendered":"\u2726 Reflections on Building Healthy Relationships: Starting with Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Today in my English class, my teacher and I discussed how to build healthy relationships with people close to us<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a huge topic. I tried to use all the phrases and vocabulary I know to explain my thoughts, while also giving as many examples as possible to make the ideas easier to convey. After all, I am using a foreign language, not my native tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With such a big topic, I truly don’t know where to start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I will just start by sharing whatever comes to mind<\/strong>. Let me pick the smallest sub-topic to open with:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Definition of a Conflict (\u722d\u57f7)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

My definition of a conflict is: A disagreement or clash that occurs when two or more people have different views or opinions on the same matter, and each person insists on their own perspective or position, leading to an impasse, disagreement, or even open confrontation.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a conflict occurs, people often inadvertently criticize or attack<\/strong> the other person’s differing viewpoint. When they receive these less-than-friendly remarks, most people tend to “shift into an angry state,”<\/strong> the topic gradually loses focus, and the exchange ultimately devolves into a spat driven by personal pride<\/strong>, ending in bitterness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naturally, the depth of the negative emotions or relational damage caused by a conflict depends on each person’s personality and attitude toward the issue. Some people, even in the midst of a disagreement, can remain clear-headed<\/strong>, recognize the goal, and avoid losing themselves in the argument. Conversely, others, due to their over-insistence on their own opinion, fail to reach a consensus, which not only damages the relationship but also prevents a positive resolution to the original issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Window Curtain Example<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

For instance, consider the Wang family couple. A window in their home receives intense sun exposure, so they decide to buy new curtains. They go together to choose a suitable color. Mr. Wang says black looks better; Mrs. Wang insists white looks better. They argue endlessly. In the end, they don’t buy the curtains, they have a big fight, they return home to continue baking in the sun, and Mr. Wang is left fuming while Mrs. Wang glares.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a small, seemingly simple matter, yet this kind of problem genuinely troubles many people<\/strong>. When they communicate with others and don’t get the answer they want, they often fall into disputes or arguments. This isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault. It\u2019s like Mr. Wang saying black looks good\u2014he’s not wrong. Mrs. Wang saying white looks good\u2014she\u2019s also right. In this situation, there is no absolute right or wrong<\/strong>, only a question of who is willing to yield<\/strong>, or whether they can jointly decide on a third color<\/strong> to replace black and white.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The point is, during their argument, they forgot the original purpose of buying the curtains<\/strong>. If they could step out of the “black vs. white” mindset, in most cases (barring exceptions), I believe they could find a color they both accept. Wouldn’t that solve the sun exposure problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Resolve Conflicts<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

An endless argument is never a solo act<\/strong>; everyone in that circle is a key player. As long as one party refuses to back down from their opinion, a conflict is likely to occur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yielding (\u9000\u8b93)<\/strong> is the key. Yielding is not a sign of weakness<\/strong>, nor is it an indirect admission that your own view is wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s use the “buying curtains” example again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the Wang couple first discussed the color, they could each propose their favorite. But upon hearing the partner’s chosen color is not what they prefer, they should not immediately criticize<\/strong> the color as ugly or add extra negative comments, attacking the partner’s taste and insisting their own aesthetic is superior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. or Mrs. Wang should first affirm or support<\/strong> the partner’s idea immediately, and only then state their own thought. For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • Mrs. Wang:<\/strong> “I think white curtains look nice.”<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Mr. Wang (First expresses support to effectively reduce the risk of falling into conflict)<\/sup>:<\/strong> “Hmm… White certainly does look nice… However… (Pauses for a few seconds, scratches his head, speaks in a calm, steady voice)<\/sup>… But white feels like it… would get dirty more easily<\/strong>!”<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Mrs. Wang (Because she wasn’t initially rejected by Mr. Wang, her emotion is more stable and she is more receptive to his criticism)<\/sup>:<\/strong> “That\u2019s true! White definitely shows dust and stains easily!”<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Mr. Wang:<\/strong> “I think black looks good!” (Mr. Wang remembers that saying this is not a conclusion<\/strong>, but an invitation for Mrs. Wang’s opinion, making her feel respected.)<\/sup> He then adds, “What do you think?”<\/strong> (Making Mrs. Wang feel her opinion is important and valued.)<\/sup><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    This constitutes a more rational communication style<\/strong>, especially for issues without absolute right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    • Mrs. Wang:<\/strong> “Black does look nice!” (Mr. Wang receives a positive response from Mrs. Wang, so his mood naturally remains stable and he is ready to listen to her next point.) \/ (Then Mrs. Wang also scratches her head, thinks, and slowly says…)<\/sup> “But, black lets in less light. If we draw the curtains during the day, the room won’t be bright enough! Plus, black seems to absorb more heat. It blocks the sun, but it keeps the heat inside the house!”<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

      At this point, though they proposed different colors, they have firmly and respectfully pointed out the flaws in each other’s color choices<\/strong>. This avoids hurting the partner while acknowledging the shortcomings of their own preferred color or view. It softens their respective positions<\/strong>, removing the sharp edge of confrontation and averting an argument.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Afterward, whatever the result\u2014buying black, buying white, switching to another color, deciding not to buy any and continuing to sunbathe, or even boarding up the window so curtains are never needed\u2014they have avoided a pointless war of words<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      My Central Idea: The Power of Acceptance<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Actually, the central idea<\/strong> I most want to express is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n
      1. Whenever we receive a message or feedback that is not what we expected<\/strong>, the immediate first psychological or physiological response should only be “Acceptance or Acknowledgment.”<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
      2. “Acceptance or Acknowledgment” belongs to a state of “Mindfulness”<\/strong> or “Positive Emotion.”<\/strong> Having this emotion prevents us from sinking into the quicksand of negative feelings.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      3. “Acceptance or Acknowledgment” allows our mind to be calmer<\/strong> and enables a more rational and methodical<\/strong> analysis of the core issue or details, making it easier to see the whole picture of the event.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      4. “Acceptance or Acknowledgment,” similar to the “yielding”<\/strong> I mentioned above, is not a display of weakness<\/strong>. Instead, it is a preliminary strategy<\/strong> that helps solidify one’s own position. One must be “clear”<\/strong> (\u6e05 q\u012bng<\/em>) before one can be “wise\/perceptive”<\/strong> (\u660e m\u00edng<\/em>). Ultimately, it makes it more likely to find a suitable path forward together.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        Alright! It’s too late! Time to rest! I’ll write more next time I have a chance!

        That concludes my post-class reflections for tonight. Original by RIO<\/strong>(Old Otaku)<\/mark> <\/sup>& (translate by AI)<\/sup>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        \n\n\n\n
         \u6211\u7684\u4e2d\u6587\u539f\u6587<\/strong> <\/mark>

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         \u722d\u57f7<\/strong> <\/mark>

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         \u5982\u4f55\u5316\u89e3\u722d\u57f7 <\/mark>

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        \u9000\u8b93<\/strong>\u2014\u2014\u5f9e\u4e0d\u662f\u300c\u793a\u5f31\u300d\u7684\u8868\u73fe\u3001\u66f4\u4e0d\u662f\u53e6\u985e\u7684\u8868\u793a\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u89c0\u9ede\u662f\u932f\u8aa4\u7684\u3002

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        ================

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        \u4ee5\u4e0a\u5c31\u662f\u6211\u32e1\u8001\u795e\u5b85\u5b85\u2661<\/sup>\u4eca\u665a\u7684\u8ab2\u5f8c\u611f\u60f3\u6587\u3002<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
        \n\n\n\n
        \"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
        Today in my English class, my teacher and I discussed h […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-28"],"blocksy_meta":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1762"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1762\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3128,"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1762\/revisions\/3128"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conga.tw\/memo\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}